A lot of shit went down this week that I intended to blog about...just never got around to it as usual. After early morning prodding, I've gotten back up on the horse. Most of it just doesn't seem relevant anymore.
One thing that is relevant, is being called fat!! I've never actually been called fat outside of stupid high school drama (actual high school drama, not like Sinemark high school drama) let alone in real life. When I'm already struggling with weight/self esteem issues. By two people whose opinions don't even fucking matter. Or shouldn't matter. Honestly, I really do blame it on the raiinnn yeah yeah...ha no, on the Hollister hoodie I stole from Sinemark's lost and found. Maybe that's why the person left it at the theatre. It brings bad karma and I just inherited theirs.
Relevant item numero dos - My favourite past time in the world, texting, really is starting to make me hate everything about it. I hate texting people who have "normal" phones (not being a phone racist lol) because since they are using T9 or whatever they use the text lingo all the time. I hate text lingo. It's really hard to understand. It's also really annoying that someone can just pick up the phone, dial a number and be instantly talking to the other person, where as when a text is sent, and if your recipient is not on Blackberry Messenger you have absolutely no clue if they received the message that they were really drunk and waiting for you to show up at the bar to have a fun day. This all ends in tears. Well on my end anyway. I generally like texting because I usually don't have a lot to say in a phone call (I usually wasn't the friend who called and talked for hours in 6th grade) unless it's short and to the point. Hence, why texting is a sociophobe's (I had to look that word up!) best friend. So why does it seem to be kicking my ass lately?! Must be God's way of weeding out the "unfriendly" people to create a superior race of blabbering idiots. All who will die from cell phone related brain tumors. How ironic. As I was typing that last bit with one hand my sleeve ran through my ranch dressing on my plate. What a waste of ranch dressing! Anyway, back to the point. People, you have a smart phone for a reason! It's probably because you're an "office" person and have to write e-mails on the go. They made the full QWERTY keyboard tiny and thumb compatible for something. do u type ur emails lk this when ur prop sumthin to ur boss? No? Didn't fucking think so. So take the extra two fucking seconds and spell out your words like you were taught to do in grade school. (End rant - phew!)
Relevant item a trois ~ I saw my future in New York fading so quickly on that drunken early Thursday morning this week. As the word vomit quickly released from my mouth, so did he in one fellow thrust. Not the first time I've made this bad decision. No, I wasn't pulling boy entrapment, at the time I thought hey, it wouldn't be so bad to have really cute little mixed babies. I don't even like the guy like that anymore really. I don't fully understand what happens inside my trainwreck of what's left of a brain. I feel like him and I are a couple who have been dating for 6 years and are just trying to find things to press each others buttons so that the "nothing" fight starts. And we're not even dating! Yet, I get those stupid jealous pangs when "wifey" (not what it sounds like supposedly) texts or when he makes comments about ex girlfriends who he got pregnant. With him being so introverted and unwilling to talk about his past, or a lot for that matter, it slowly drags me back in. I always want to be that person that someone trusts enough to open up to. For some reason I think it boosts my ego. I always have the desire as well as the need to know how much a person likes me or what they think of me. I guess that's why I play the little games of wearing their Marine tags for a week and then after the "nothing" fight I put them on his stuff he will be needing when he leaves in the morning. Just to see if he takes the bait of the game. He did thankfully. Last night as I was contemplating doing it, I wondered what I would do if he just left and didn't say a word. Last night I said "Oh well" in my head...this morning I was panicking when it seemed like he was just gonna leave my life. Today he needs to know why I do things like that and all of the other questions that are relationship related that shouldn't even be coming up in conversation. We are friends, old high school sweethearts and fuck buddies. Can't humans not cross lines? It's not like I'm the only one pressing buttons either. Last night I was asked the question, "So, are blowjobs part of the deal?" A blowjob from me, or some other bitch I'll get herpes from? Yeah, a fucking blowjob is part of sex, it is included in our agreement. Grr
Moving swiftly along, relevant topic shi * We need to get on with the working out thing. Not so much for the fact that I'm apparently a fattie and pregnant according to Abel the douche and Ian the ass, but for the fact that I need proof that I can put trust in something semi permanent like planning to meet to work out a couple of times a week. With my track record of supposedly bailing, I need to feel confidence in return to be trusted to follow through with actually planned times and places instead of spur of the moment, "hey I'll leave work early and come get drunk since I already know you'll be there" times. If we can't do simple things together like meet to workout, how am I to be expected to move 8 hours away from home for an undisclosed amount of time? So let's say we'll do this, and actually do it! I want to have confidence in me, and I need you to have confidence in me.
Now relevant topic fünf...it is stinking hard to find a job! I went on the VA hospital website to try to apply and had no idea what I was doing! Granted, every job post is for stuff I'm no where near qualified for, but how do I find the simple filing/secretary/answer phone jobs? After being discouraged on that site, I went to Monster.com where I thought I had already posted a resume. I guess they close if after awhile due to inactivity because I had to re sign up for it. That place could be slightly more promising. At least there were job listings on there I am slightly more qualified for even though they are mostly marketing and sales representatives for Verizon, yuck. At least I am trying to take baby steps forward to get out of Sinemark hell.
Well this was all way too long so hopefully I will get a call back to remedy this stupid RITA tax situation so I can upgrade my computer instead of pay $1000 out of my ass for some bullshit. On to gay slur drinking games! I'm glad I bought a new pair of dress boots.
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