I hate when I feel like I have so much to say, to release. But I cannot get it out in words. Just listening to "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. Makes me so sad. Makes me want to sing this at karaoke too lol. Never would have courage for that though, because I cannot sing well at all. I don't even think I can pretend I can anymore, either. Maybe if I'm drunk enough and Tom or Don wants to get up and sing with me I could do it, since I loveeee to sing!
I think what I hate MOST about being in relationships is that everything and everything you experienced, or not experienced with them is engraved in your soul and everything you did or watched or listened to with them. It's so hard to get over someone (even someone you didn't like a whole lot) when you have all the memories together. Yes, right now I am talking about Ryan, and I know everyone hated him for some reason, but he was a big part of my life at the time. Makes me sad everyone has something against him. Makes me feel bad, and reflects bad on me in the end, too.
Also is the reason why I hate, yet LOVE Angels and Airwaves. I still find it hard to this day to listen to them. Yet, I want to go to their show in April. Probably because I'm hoping someone will be there to get my emotions going.
I have so many emotions that I can't get out. I hate it. I hate feeling like I need to cry hardcore but just can't. It's terrible.
Oh gosh, I did it. I put on AVA on youtube. I suck. If anyone wants to gander, they're good. My favourites are Call to Arms and Start the Machine. You'll like them more if you have an equally troubled past with Blink-182.
"Do you feel if you've lost everything you can lose? This is it, can you hear me? I'd like to say that you're my only fear, and when I dream, it slowly dissapears. And when I wake, I'm right there by your side TO FEEL YOUR HEART beat in and out of time..."
"You know I won't say sorry, the pain has a bad reaction, a blend of fear and passion. You know what it's like to believe, it makes me wanna scream."
"If loves a word that you say, say it and I'll listen..."
Ugh they really know how to get ya, no?
Even now, listening to them again...after like a year...I want to cry, but can't. I feel like Cameron Diaz in "The Holiday" where she has the spasms because she can't cry. So sad. She cries in the end though. I hope I can find that again. HA learning how to cry again.
I think I'll leave this again and go watch Lady Gaga, she makes me happy.
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You know what helps me cry? Putting on heart wrenchingly painful music and staring at pictures of boys that will never love me in return. Jake, Joe, Joe, Billy, Alex, Charlie, Andrew...shout out to you boys, hope all is well in your worlds! I'll have to give this AVA a listen. I wouldn't really know much about making memories with someone, well good ones, anyway. I haven't had a relationship with anyone that lasted longer than a couple of weeks. And it only happened twice, and i'm 27. There, suck on that Cameron Diaz. That makes me cry. I'm the opposite way with emotion. I have too much sad and not enough happy. I feel my happy is fake and I'm lying to myself whenever I laugh. But you should go to that concert. Make the step towards closure, even if it isn't with the actual person but the memory. And, skank, you are coming to karaoke with me one time and we are going to get smashy blitzed, get our asses on the stage and belt out some off key, white trashy, slured mutha-shut your lips, bitch, funk-afied song...let it be Bad Romance!
ReplyDeleteI used to be that way but just can't cry anymore. It's really weird. I kind of feel like I'm pretending too when I'm happy, especially after I get home after laughing for 6 hours and just get really low. We are def some trainwrecks here. Yeah BAD ROMANCE! I gotta be like dead drunk for that shit though.
ReplyDeleteMiranda, I feel you to the core. I don't remember the last time I cried and it builds up inside that I fear it will all come flooding out when I least expect it. Tom always says you just need a good cry sometimes. I don't know, I don't know why we have the pitiful emotion to allow us to cry.
ReplyDeleteI don't know him that well, but I have nothing against Ryan. He seems pretty cool to me-if that makes you feel any better :)
Oh yeah, karaoke it up beotch! I can't sing worth a damn, but it is so much fun! Just get into the music and the atmosphere-and Tommy gyrating on the microphone stand...I think that's what does it really!